I'm ME, I'm Not My Weight

Years ago it was considered to be beautiful to be bigger.  It was a sign of affluence.  In contrast, to be thin was sickly or unhealthy.  Now there is no mistaking that thin is in.  The thinner the better.  Models live on water and lettuce, and then they're photo shopped and air brushed before published in the media.  That is what girls want to grow up to look like.  That is what women strive to look like - at often dangerous costs, no matter what age.  That is what most men prefer.  After all, it is how we're supposed to look, right?  Of course.  I get up in the morning, get dressed and primed in my most beautiful clothes each day with my best makeup/hair job and then, before I head out the door I make sure to photo shop my curves away and airbrush my blemishes.  Um.... no.

Being a costumer, I was privileged to dress people of all sizes.  My fellow costumers and I joked that people would think that putting on a costume would magically make them look thin and fantastic.  Then there's the thin women with no curves that we'd give breast pads and chicken cutlets so they'd get some sort of a figure 8 to their body.  There's many different tricks to clothing and costume design that make the optical illusion of taller, thinner, curvier.  There's fat suits to make thin people look fat, etc.  There's "stigma" of different body shapes and types. They must eat a ton of food!  Woah - that person has no self control.  Geesh, does that chick even eat anything? The wind might blow her away.  That guy must be a lazy slob to be that fat.  Know what?  Some people are genetically bigger than others.  Some people are genetically very thin.  Fat people and thin people can have unhealthy eating habits.  Some people who appear overweight are very fit and health conscious about what they eat. And some people are overweight because of health complications or medications.  All fat people are not lazy, all black people are not criminals, all Asians aren't bad drivers, all gay people aren't child abusers.  Our society tells us these things for some reason unknown to me.

 I once worked on a production of "Oliver!" where almost all of the kids in the beginning orphanage scene were fat kids.  It looked all wrong to see all these big kids singing about living on gruel and not getting seconds...  But that's ok - because the kids did a great job and had a ton of fun.  As a costumer, I see people and often think they'd make a perfect this or that character.  And then there's the boys with red hair and beards... or sometimes blonde hair and beards... I can honestly say I always want to dress them in green cutaway coats and plaid vests and call them leprechauns... Silly, I know but it's where my mind goes.

Through all of the costuming and talking with insecure people of all shapes and sizes there's one thing that I firmly believe : Beauty isn't in the size - it's in how you carry yourself.  It's holding your head up and smiling and being kind.  It's being your best self no matter what weight.

Yes, I still believe that.  And I do my best to live it.  As an adult I've never been larger than a size 12 (except for being pregnant) and most of my adult life I've been a size 6.  I've always kept a busy life and I've always eaten pretty much whatever I feel like eating.  I've done Weight Watchers a couple of times after having babies and such.  One time while on WW I really -REALLY wanted one of those ice cream sandwiches they sell at the store with cookies on each side of the ice cream.  I checked out the points on the box and saw that one whole box (I think there was 6 in the box) equaled my points for one day.  That day I ate nothing but those ice cream sandwiches.  They were delicious.  No regrets at all.

When I first got really sick last year I was a size 2/4.  I was put on some meds that, on an average, puts 15ish pounds on whoever is taking them.  That was ok - 15 lbs wasn't too big of a deal.  And then, a few months back, I was put on another medicine.  I was told by the Doctor that I would gain weight.  40-60 lbs was "average".  After reading everything I could find online about this drug, as well as every one's complaints about it making them fat, I took a deep breath and figured if it helped with the intense pain then getting fat was an ok trade off.  Last week I cleaned out my closet and drawers.  I tried things on and packed my favorite clothes away as they are now too small.  Since then I've gone to get dressed in some of the bigger clothes I bought recently.  The tops are too tight, the pants are snug.  I am heavier than I have ever been (minus being pregnant) and as I usually gain weight in my legs and booty, this medicine causes weight gain in the torso.   Something I'm really not used to!  I can honestly say I felt depressed when cleaning out my closet and then trying on my clothes that fit just a few days ago and were now too small.

So here's my challenge - I need to pull out all of my costuming knowledge and dress myself in ways that flatter my different shaped body.  I feel like a stranger in my own body.  I need to buy some more clothes... in a size I've never worn before.  And when I get my full figured body dressed in the morning I will choose my outfit and stand up tall each day being the best me I can be because beauty isn't in fat or thin - it's in your heart.

 AND know what?!?!?  It's all ok.  I'm not sad about it anymore.  You see, I'm me and I'm not my weight.  I am smart, funny, talented and strong.  I am beautiful, loving, generous and kind.  And I have a clean closet.

Do You Believe in Fairies?

Rayroo and I had a great time making our first Fairy Garden.  And, even though I wasn't supposed to use my hand and I did anyway, it was super fun working on this project with her.

See this kid?  Yup - making things and doing special projects with her is simply amazing.  :)  I love being her mom!  Ok, enough of the sappies.  Back to our Fairy Gardening:

First we collected all kinds of stuff that we could use in our creation.  We chose to use our old plastic pot as a base.  We found several miscellaneous clay pots as well as some pretty cut glass and some tea cups/plates.  

We used a light weight hammer to carefully tap on the clay pottery.  Once we saw what shapes we had to work with, and knowing the general shape of what we wanted to create, we used hot glue and glued the pieces together, making a foundation.

 

After we decided the foundation was nice and sturdy, we glued potting soil on some of the pottery to cover it up.  This made little "tunnels" that looked like they were burrowed spots.  

We took some sheet moss and glued it where we wanted to make a stair case going from the bottom to the top. 

We added a fence - for fairy safety.  

We broke the blue cut glass and glued it back together making a lake. 

We used small river rocks to make a bridge over the water. We added little flowers along side the fence, and we used our clay pieces to make stairs.  We put a little tea pot house inside of the big pot (bottom left) and we added a bird's nest and some small birdies. 

We added chunky moss and more foliage as well as some little gems as a roof.  We placed a couple frogs and turtles in and around the lake.  And then, last of all, Rayroo placed the fairies.  Here are some of the pictures she took of the final garden:

We used floral, moss and small river rocks from Hobby Lobby.  Our miniature fairies came from Amazon.com (they were actually really hard to find).  Everything else we found at thrift shops or we already had it at home.  

And now, our beautiful fairy garden is done, and placed outside our front door.  Provided the darn cat doesn't mess with it, I can hardly wait for our granddaughter to come over and see it!  Meanwhile, Roo is planning on making a fairy playground next. Aaron said it was so good if we didn't put the pretend fairies in it we would probably have real fairies moving in. The most important part is that Roo and I got to work on it together and make something pretty.  I know it's not the perfect fairy garden - it is our first.  But we love it -  and that's all that matter, right?  Now I'm going to go rest my hand....

Yup, I Had a Carpal and a Tunnel. But Now They're Gone... at lease half way...

I have always loved sewing.  And playing piano.  And writing (typing).  When the computer age began I've spent countless hours (mostly wasted ha ha) on the computer.  What do these things have in common? Well... I'll tell you.  They all gave me a raging case of carpal tunnel.  In both hands.  If you know me, or have read previous blogs you know that I have many physical illnesses.  Because the carpal tunnel could be corrected and thus make it easier to pin point what symptoms are from what problem, it was recommended I have the surgery.  And so I did.  On January 21, 2014 Austin and I arrived here -  at 6 A.M.

 Did I mention that we had to arrive at 6:00 A.M.?  I was first on the list for surgery.

We arrived, and thank you to the John C. Lincoln Hospital for letting me borrow such a gorgeous gown!  I had all the usual stuff done - the IV, the BP, the visits from the surgeon and anaesthesiologist.  

There was some down time in between and I was anxious (scared) but Austin kept me company and we passed the time talking and being silly.  Pretty soon the nurse came back and had me soak my hand in special soapy stuff.  I also got these fancy leg circulation things on my calf's.  

 Don't forget to note the wonderful way my hat and shoes match!  Stylish, even going into surgery.  Once I was given some sleepy medicine and wheeled off on my fancy bed, in my fancy outfit, with my clean hand, Austin got to spend some REALLY exciting times!

 He sat.  He slept.

He sat some more.

He slept some more. 

Until it finally happened.  He was able to come back and see me again.  More importantly, come back and take pictures.  

 Here I am, freshly post surgery. 

How I got dressed, I have no idea.  I look awake but since I really don't remember getting dressed or going home (except for little snippets) I must have been way out of it.  I mean really, how did I get this sweater back on?? There is only one person in the world who knows.  Austin.  I'm pretty sure he figured it out. 

See what I'm holding?  A barf bag.  Yup.  The staff was kind enough to send me home with a barf bag - and a fancy one!  And what's the best thing about the barf bag???  I didn't even have to use it. 

I got home and settled.  I was able to rest up and just hang around on the couch in my spot.  It wasn't until bedtime that this contraption became a serous hindrance.  You see, my doctor sent me home with an IV stand.  He wrapped my hand with a big hook thing at the fingers so I could hang my hand/arm from the IV stand - and thus keep m hand elevated and in the correct position for 24 hours.  

And yes, I can see that this picture is upside down.  I took it around 3AM when I was bored out of my mind and super tired.  I could have turned this picture right side up - but it's more a sign of how I was feeling keeping it upside down.  I made it through the fist night, and the following day the fun had just begun. I had to report to the doctors office, and wow - I had NO idea how difficult it was going to be doing the simplest of things. 

This is me, ready to leave for the Dr's office.  This is my left handed makeup / hair job and changing clothes wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for my wonderful Mom, who came to take care of us (me).  I'm pretty sure it's been a good 40 years since she's buttoned my pants for me... until that day. They cut off the cast, and below is what was there... gross. 

Here's my before surgery/after surgery montage. 

With this surgery, I made several visits to the doctor.  My second visit (day 3 post surgery) revealed the wound looking like this:

Between appointments, I was working overtime trying to rest up and be as independent as possible.  And snuggling with this pretty girl.

When I wasn't snuggling with my Sophie, I was being taken care of by this lady - look closely because THIS is a picture of the Worlds Best Mom.  

AND, because healing from my own surgery wasn't enough (because enough is never enough if you're a Willcox) I got to take this little crazy girl to the doctor because she developed a ferocious cough (that she still has!).  

So, between my own appointments, it was refreshing to take little Roo to her doctor and do something other than sitting around.  

Here's my hand one week post op at the beginning of my appointment.

And here it is two days after all of the stitches were removed and I was all steri taped up.  A few days post op, my doctor sent me home equipped with rolls and rolls of bandages, tapes, sterile rinse water and 4" squares so I could clean my wound and re-wrap it twice a day.  Fun times for me!

Two weeks post op I was on our anniversary date with Austin!  See my wrapped hand?  Funny, eating in public with my non-dominant hand was so much less glamorous than I usually eat - which, if you've seen me eat, is just plain crazy.  Messy crazy. 

Here is my hand today!  The wound is healed pretty much, but I'm still not supposed to be using my right hand, though I am typing this with both hands (oooohhh I'm in trouble).  I need to keep it wrapped and clean for two more days.  Then wrapped when I leave the house or do anything messy or worky.  I can slowly start using my hand in two more days... which is silly because I've been using it (out of habit) anyway.  

So there it is.  My carpal and my tunnel.  Gone forever from my right hand... and I now know what to expect when we do my left hand... unless I chicken out...

I Love to Sew!

It's true.  Yah, I've had lots of doctors appointments and I spend most of my time keeping the house up and taking care of the family.  BUT I did steal some time to make a Christmas present for Spencer (our oldest son- he's 24) and a present for our grandson, who is 9 mo. old.  Yes, I'm still making aprons for the Etsy site (5FunGirls) and yes, I'm still swamped with doctors appointments.  In fact, I decided to blog today because after I went to the hand specialist I've been scheduled for Carpal Tunnel surgery.  This week, on top of my regular stuff, I am going to work on getting things ready for after the surgery.  We're doing the left hand first, and then in a few weeks they'll do the right hand.  This means that I'll be meal planning for the next 2 weeks, grocery shopping, organizing it all and writing everything down.  My Momma (who is by far the best Momma in the whole world.  Ever) is flying out to help us while I'm down.  Having things orderly will not only make me feel good (because I like clean and orderly) but it will help her.

Well enough of that darn medical talk!!  Let's talk about some sewing projects!  I wanted to make a throw pillow for Spencer, and one for Rachel.  I want them to be cohesive as they'll go on the same couch in their living room.  I found the perfect fabrics and then had to figure out what I wanted to do. You see, I didn't want to just make some mambo-pamby pillow.  It had to be interesting.  It had to have life in it.  It had to be fun, and yet classy, but also be like THEM as a couple.  I haven't finished Rachel's pillow yet, but I did finish Spencer's just in time for Christmas.  And before I get any further, Rachel's pillow is different - and I'll post about that when I get there.

While looking around for what kind of pillow I wanted to make, I came across one at Target that I found interesting.  Ok, it was boring - but the actual origami of the pillow was interesting.  I know origami means folded paper but what's the word for folded fabric?  Because this thing is kind of like origami.  Here's what the Target pillow looks like:

I was intrigued on how this was done.  I took the picture and then cut 5x5 squares out of the fabrics I chose for Spencer.  If I were to do this again, I'd cut the back panel 5x5 and the 4 sides 4x4. Since I've only done it once and everything was 5x5 I have no guarantees that it would be better with 4x4 - so don't go making it and get all mad at me if it doesn't turn out!  ;) I will tell you what I did to make this pillow.  You who sew can probably figure it out by looking at it - but I'll tell you how I did it.  First I found this amazing fabric during the summer months that is PERFECT for Spencer.  It's a compilation of 3 different prints that all come from the "Don't Let the Pigeon Drive the Bus" series.  Then, as the back fabric that shows in the center, I chose a print with VW buses on it.  As an added bonus there's aliens driving the buses.  And the color of the whole ensemble matches the colors they like and have in their little cottage.  

Here's the base fabric.  Spencer's always loved VW buses.  And aliens?  In all honesty I would have preferred it to be just the bus.  However who doesn't love a hidden alien?  I mean really.


Back to the project!  I cut out all the 4x4 squares and ironed them flat.  Then I took the pieces that would go on top of this piece and ironed them in half, making triangles.   I then used my fingers to both hold the triangle still and gently fold back the folded side of the triangle to make the peek a boo origami look.

Once all of the ironing was done, I started to lay out the patterns.  They each had to be the same to avoid looking like a hodgepodge of whatever.  Here's the first triangle in place. 

And the second triangle going right on top.  See the fabric?  It's super cute if you like the book.  (which we all do).  















And here's the whole square with all 4 triangles on it.  You can see that my little "peek a boo" is smaller than the one at Target.  That's why I think I'll try cutting the squares smaller, or laying them out further apart and trimming the edges.

It was difficult to keep the folded edges folded back.  I finally used some stiffener before a final press.  That did the trick. 

After finishing one, I did the same thing again and again....

And though I hoped the pillow would have been bigger, I am still happy with how it turned out.  More importantly Spencer really likes it.  He says it's super comfy too!  

AND guess what else I did?  I made a quilt for this little heart breaker.  I used minky fabrics for the top, and the backing is all navy blue BYU Cougars cotton.  I didn't add any filler into the quilt, it's Arizona...  the two layers are warm in and of themselves.  Above is the general layout of the different fabrics.  It's a strip row quilt.  I know that's not the right name for it, but whatever.  

Here it is after I sewed all of the strips together.  It's folded in half.  I really like the different chevron strips with the solids and polka dots.  It's hard to see, but the solids have a raised polka dot print on them.  Super soft and cozy!!! 

I sewed the top and bottom right sides together, like you'd sew a pillow.  I left an opening and then turned it right side out.  I pulled out the corners so they would be square.  Then I went in and sewed the leftover edge of stitching to the backing, so the quilt would hang better and be a little stronger.  

It was quite the task to keep it in line, withe the edge on the back side so it would get sewn down.  I then sewed the opening shut and used embroidery floss (white) to tie a little bit on the yellow chevrons in the center.  Just to keep the fabric in place where it goes.  :)  I don't have a picture of it finished, but it's super cute and his Momma likes it - which is all good!  

A couple of selfies.  I'm pretending to sew.  Ha ha. 

 Oh!  And see that draped on the dress form in the back ground?  Roo did that.  She was playing with the fabric and draped a dress onto the form. It actually looks really nice!  I'm not sure anyone would wear a dress made out of monkey print minky fabric.... but it's pretty amazing for a 9 year old.  :)  She's my mini me and I LOVE it!








Lastly, during the evening hours I've been keeping my hands busy.  I've been embroidering these little elephants to go on a throw blanket for one of the sweetest, kindest and most beautiful people I know.  More about that another time.  AND it's about time to make our Ren Fest garb!  Whoot!  Just wait and see how that turns out!  Meanwhile, I wonder if I"ll be able to sew with my left hand in a cast?  Hum.....